Don't try to buy football boots in Kingston

I was in Kingston yesterday evening. I wasn't expecting it, but it was the night they turn on the Christmas lights, and so the area was full of the sort of mad, bug-eyed people for whom the festive season is a time to be merry and express your love for your fellow man. It made me come over all queasy, and I sought refuge in Topman.

I wouldn't normally go into Topman - not because I'm not a "top man" (in fact, I most certainly am) but because it caters for children. I happened to be with my son, who is a quarter of my age and who wanted to buy a pair of "skinny" jeans as part of his ongoing project to look like Joey Ramone circa 1977.

Anyway, all this rampant consumerism made me think of how hard it is to buy a half-decent pair of football boots in Kingston. Go into Starbucks and you can drink coffee in at least 23 different ways, but is there anywhere within five miles of the Bentall's Centre that sells Puma Kings?

When I moved to Kingston 10 years ago there was a little sports shop called Simister, located just opposite what is now the Rotunda but which then was a bus garage. Although Simister's stocking policy was a little eccentric, it was a real sports shop. You could buy things like cricket balls and dubbin and strange contraptions that helped you live with your hernia, as opposed to offering a choice of 250 different styles of trainer. And I think they sold Patrick football boots.

Even John Lewis has gone over to the dark side. All right, it might sell you a pair of neon blue fibreglass David Beckham-style slip-on bootees for £150, but don't ask for a classic pair of Adidas "Kaiser" boots because you'll be disappointed.

Didn't the economist Milton Friedman, who died yesterday, say something along the lines of "let the market decide"? Well, I can tell you, Mr Nobel prize-winning monetarist, the market's not working down this neck of the wood. I guarantee that if Soccer Scene was to open a branch in Kingston, it would do a roaring trade.

And one other thing. Last night Radio Jackie, who had a stall outside the Bentall's Centre, were playing John Lennon's Happy Christmas (War Is Over) at full blast. Won't somebody tell them there's a war on?